Developing Self-confidence

January 12, 2008 | By admin | In Uncategorized

The development of self-confidence begins properly with intelligent self-examination. The mind must be closely scrutinized, undesirable tendencies checked; faults eradicated, and correct habits of thought and conduct firmly established.

To achieve the best results this personal overhauling, or house cleaning, should be thorough and fearless.

Fearful thought is a disease, to be diagnosed as carefully as any other illness. It comes largely from perverted mental habits. The mind is permitted habitually to dwell upon thoughts of doubt, failure, and inefficiency. So great does this power become, when permitted to rule unchecked, that it affects to greater or less degree almost every act of one’s life.

The extremes to which a fearful person will sometimes go are as amusing as they are absurd. People fear poverty, darkness, ridicule, microbes, insomnia, dogs, lightning, burglars, cold, solitude, marriage, Friday, lawyers, death, thirteen, accident, and ghosts. The catalog of dreaded possibilities might include black cats, mice, ill luck, criticism, travel, disease, evil eyes, dreams, and old age.

It’s true there is legitimate and honest fear, like that of the young soldier who, upon being asked after his first battle how they felt, replied: “I was afraid I would be afraid, but I was not afraid.”

It’s right and proper that one should fear to do a mean or cowardly thing, to injure another, or to commit any kind of wrong. This fear, however, instead of weakening personal character, imparts to it new and manly force.

To walk straight up to the thing feared will often strip it of its terror. In one of the old fables we read that when man first beheld the camel its huge size caused him to flee in dreadful fear. But later, observing the animal’s seeming gentleness, he approached him less timidly, and then, seeing the almost spiritless nature of the beast, he boldly put a bridle in his mouth and set a child to drive him. We can in like manner conquer fearful thoughts of the human mind.

Fear has well been called our most ancient enemy. Primitive humanity was unprotected against more powerful animals, and in those early days they had good reason to be fearful, but it is difficult to justify the widespread fear that exists today.

Thousands of persons can say truthfully: “I have all my life feared things that never happened.” The danger of this fearful attitude is that it frequently attracts that which is dreaded most, and the words of Job are literally fulfilled: “For the thing which I greatly feared is come upon me and that which I was afraid of is come unto me.” We are told that one of the bravest of African chiefs was driven into a cold sweat of agonizing fear merely by the constant ticking of a watch.

If worry is due to lack of self-reliance, fear is an acknowledgment of inferiority. It does not stand still, and unless throttled will gradually overwhelm its victim, making him at last “Like one, that on a lonesome road Doth walk in fear and dread, And having once turned round walks on, And turns no more his head; Because he knows a frightful fiend doth close behind him tread.”

Timidity is quickly recognized by the world, and not only argues an ignoble mind, as Virgil says, but actually invites pursuit and imposition. John Foster observes in his splendid essay “On Decision of Character “: “Weakness, in every form, tempts arrogance; and a man may be allowed to wish for a kind of character with which stupidity and impertinence may not make so free. When a firm, decisive spirit is recognized, it is curious to see how the space clears around a man, and leaves him room and freedom. The disposition to interrogate, dictate, or banter, preserves a respectful and polite distance, judging it not unwise to keep the peace with a person of so much energy.”

It’s surprising how confidence breeds confidence. Courage in danger is sometimes half the battle, while self-reliance will often safeguard a person’s interests and give him an abiding sense of security. It makes them feel equal to almost any undertaking, however difficult, leading them to think with Dryden “They can conquer who believe they can.”

The building of self-confidence is not difficult, but it requires patience and intelligent effort. There should be no straining, no anxiety, and no haste. The story of the man who tried to jump over a hill should be kept in mind. He went a long way back, then ran so hard toward the hill that when he got there he was obliged to lie down and rest. Then he got up and walked over the hill. Many men are always preparing, but never achieving.

It is said that with regard to any final or definite end, most people live without purpose, and without any fixed star to guide them. So, as a writer has expressed it, “To him that knoweth not the port to which he is bound, no wind can be favorable; neither can he who has not yet determined at what mark he is to shoot, direct his arrow correctly.”

Indecision is a frequent cause of the fear. People hesitate to take a step one way or the other for fear that they might do the wrong thing, and this spirit of irresolution and hesitation often leads them into the very mistakes they would avoid. It’s like a man on a bicycle, endeavoring to steer clear of an obstruction on the road, but all the while keeping his eye fastened upon it so that a collision is inevitable. There is nothing more disastrous to success than lack of purpose. “He who hesitates is lost,” while he grows great who puts on “the dauntless spirit of resolution.” The world generally accepts a man at his own value. If you give an impression that you are afraid, you will elbowed aside and imposed upon at almost every turn.

Let me illustrate: The other day I saw a dog leisurely pass a cat on the street, and to all appearance there was no ill feeling on either side. The cat looked him straight in the eye as they approached, and the dog returned her confident glance and quietly passed on. Then the cat, seeing a good chance for escape, bolted across the street, but the instant the dog saw her running he turned and followed in hot haste. It was cat and dog for some yards, when suddenly the cat stopped, humped her back and looked defiantly at her adversary. He stopped, caught his breath, blinked uncertainly, turned up his nose, and walked off. As long as the cat showed fear and ran, the dog chased her; but the moment she took her stand, he respected her. When a person stands up boldly and self-confidently for their rights, fear slinks tremblingly into the shadows.

If you want to learn how to be self-confident, resolve to follow it to completion with bulldog tenacity. Realize that no weak-hearted, intermittent efforts will achieve your desired purpose. Hold in your mind the supreme assurance that you can and will achieve this indispensable power, and your reward for your energy and perseverance will be great!

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